The feeling of ‘lack’ can be quite an uncomfortable one. Join Digital Marketing Manager, Claire, as she reflects on her own journey, and explores a solution.
I love spending money.
Yet, I hate spending money.
Welcome, dear reader, to my daily wrestle. If you’re here, I’d say you’re familiar with it too.
I love spending money on things that I love.
Dining out with friends, skincare that makes me look like a teenager, Saturday morning solo dates at local cafes, and cheeky little purchases that lift my spirits when I’m feeling down (hello pens!).
I hate spending money on things that I deem to be ‘needs’.
Groceries, extension cords (seriously, who has ever enjoyed buying an extension cord?), rent and fuel. Those things eat away at my fun budget and I do not like it one bit.
The even bigger reality is that the feeling of goodness I get from these things is short-lived, and before long, I need more.
Yet, I will still put off buying an extension cord for months (and use a million sub-par workarounds that cause endless frustration) because they cost real money.
Why is it that I will happily buy a new pen whenever I feel sad, while I happily live with the risk of tripping over power cords that are too short?
Why do I trade my actual needs for temporary feel-good moments?
Why is the siren-call of consumerism so strong for some things, while for others, the mere thought repulses me?
Here is my best attempt at explaining why.
The feeling of lack.
I believe that God created me to live life to the full.
When I read through the creation story in Genesis, it feels clear to me that God didn’t create humans to experience lack.
He gave Adam and Eve everything they would need in the Garden of Eden. Food. Water. Companionship. Meaningful work. Love. Freedom. Himself. All in great abundance.
The lack of lack (lol) ends in Genesis 3.
As the serpent plants a seed of doubt in the mind of Eve, she is deceived into believing that God has withheld something (the knowledge of good and evil) from her.
And in response to this feeling of ‘lack’, she takes matters into her own hands to fill in the perceived need.
The consequences of this are pretty dire. As she receives the knowledge of good and evil, she becomes aware of what she doesn’t have (firstly, clothes). Her perceived lack then becomes actual material lack.
Food and water become hard work to obtain.
Companionship becomes difficult.
Meaningful work becomes painful and frustrating.
Access to God becomes strained.
And they – like us – live in the reality of an imperfect world.
Lack is uncomfortable.
When I first became a Christian and would read this story, I would get super mad at Eve.
“If only she didn’t do that,” I’d think. “Life would be so much easier for us all.”
Now, I think she and I are one and the same.
Eve is not alone in her discomfort with lack. I feel it deeply too.
She’s also not alone in her tendency to fill the gap. I fill it too.
I don’t buy an excessive amount of pens because I’ve run out of writing utensils. In fact, the digital age makes it impossible for me to not be able to write something down, should I need to.
I buy an excessive amount of pens because my perceived lack demands to be filled with something.
I live under the illusion that when my heart hurts, buying something might fix it.
And contrary to my own beliefs (*cough* excuses *cough*), capitalism and marketing aren’t actually to blame.
The condition of my own heart is.
What is the antidote?
I believe there is only one solution to this problem. Unsurprisingly, that solution is God.
He is all that I need. He gives me all that I need. And it’s through Him that I am learning to be content with what I have.
It’s in relationship with Him, that the feeling of lack is counteracted with the feeling of abundant love.
I’m learning that when my heart hurts, His love is enough. And it’s likely that I’ll be learning it for the rest of my life.
But, what a joy it is to not have to figure it out on my own.
Now, I’m off to buy an extension cord (or two).
